Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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