where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
