Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
