In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
