i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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