She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
