I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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