seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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