On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
