Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
