It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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