I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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