that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
