i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
