I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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