Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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