First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize