Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
