After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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