His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize