we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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