i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
