It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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