Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
