I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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