I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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