We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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