Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A bitchslap is in order.
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