we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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