I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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