1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize