my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
