i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
