Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
