Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
