yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize