my vag is so smooth its legendary
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
