i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
