hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
