note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize