I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
