so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
