Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
