how can u be prego again
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
