so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize