you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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