my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
