I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize