this just has baby written all over it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
