I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
