just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
