shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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