I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
