Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
