Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
