yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
