I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
