I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
