i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
