So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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