All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize