I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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