I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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