Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
