We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
