great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
