im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
