Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
