i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize