i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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