really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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