Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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