you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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