my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
