and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize