Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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