First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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