im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she looked like the before picture.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
