Dude my mom stole all your condoms
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
