so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize