considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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