So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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