To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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