College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
